Stuck in an Elevator
by Cowpie Surprise
Summary: What happens when a pyromaniac, a bounty hunter, a princess, a hero, an angel, and very feminine guy get stuck in an elevator? I don't know...really, I don't. Warning: Marth bashing.
1. Stuck in an Elevator

**What's up? For those who actually bother to look at my profile, you probably would have noticed "Stuck in a Wardrobe!" sitting at the bottom (well, not quite at the bottom) because I had put the category under Narnia. Whoops! Obviously, I'd get more fans from SSB, as Angel in the Battle (I love self-promoting!) was a hit…hehe…**

**So, I deleted it. And now I'm back with a better version! A much better version! You know why? BECAUSE IT HAS PIT IN IT! OH BABY!**

**Pit: Hooray.**

**Yeah. Apologies to those who don't like the Pit fics coming out early…I'm sorry I'm obsessed. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo. If I did, I'd be making too much money to be spending time on this site!**

**This fic was inspired by J. B. Jazz. I have asked for her permission and received it! So there! –points and laughs at you and finds it doesn't make a big deal at all- Fine.**

Stuck in an Elevator

Roy was standing in an elevator, watching all the floors go by.

"Wow," he thought, "I hate this music."

The elevator stopped, much the redhead's annoyance, and in stepped Pit.

"Fourth floor, please," the angel asked.

Roy just mumbled as he pressed the button and the elevator continued on.

"I really hate this music."

The elevator stopped again as Marth flounced in. He grinned happily at the two who were already in the elevator. Pit just stared, eyebrows raised. Roy groaned. They continued until the elevator stopped once more.

"Damn it! I swear I'm going to kill whoever walks in next—" Roy started.

Zero-Suit Samus walked in. "Hello!"

"Never mind," said Roy.

They continued up. When it stopped, Roy looked like he was going to explode. 

"Now, now, Roy," Marth came up to sooth him with his sultry voice. "You must calm yourself if you ever want to—"

"Shut up, Hairspray Freak!"

Marth glared at Roy, and crossed his arms, turning his nose up. "Fine!"

Link and Zelda stepped in. No one reacted because the Authoress was too lazy to bother making anyone react…so yeah…(THIS IS FUN.)

Suddenly (you can start paying attention again) the lights went out, Marth let out a girly scream, the elevator stopped, Marth let out a girly scream, and there was an ominous bump and Pit let out a girly scream, because Marth fainted and Pit was doing it for him.

"Thanks, Pit," Marth said.

"You're welcome—wait, what?"

"What do we do now?" Samus asked.

"Get help, I suppose," Link answered.

Marth un-fainted. "We can use my cell phone!" He pulled out a glittery pink Motorola Razr. "Um…how do you call 9-1-1?"

Before anyone could do anything, the phone rang with the "Gimme More" ring tone. Everyone jumped.

"Let me answer it!" Roy grabbed the phone and opened it. "Hello, this is Roy speaking, and I hope you die because you're not stuck in an elevator with a bunch of idiots, except for Samus."

"Can you hear me now?" a voice asked.

"Um…I can hear you just fine."

"Can you hear me now?"

"Yes," Roy started to get irritated, "I can hear you."

"Can you hear me now?"

"Yes…listen, we're stuck in an elevator, so can you help—"

"Can you hear me now?"

"SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT! I CAN HEAR YOU! I ALWAYS COULD HEAR YOU! AND NOW, WITH YOUR ANNOYING QUESTIONING, I ALWAYS WILL HEAR YOU! AHHH!"

Roy threw the phone to the ground and jumped on it, crushing all hope of emergency contact into a thousand pieces.

"I wonder what they wanted?" Zelda mused.

"Who knows, but now Roy destroyed all contact to the outside world," muttered Marth.

"What do we do now?" sighed Pit.

They were all silent.

"Let's all sing songs!" Marth clasped his hands together.

"If your brain is big enough for you to remember all of them…" Roy mumbled.

"Hey, that's not nice!" Marth cried.

"What are you going to do, fight me?" Roy challenged. "Bring it on!"

"It's been brung! Crap…" Marth received a kick in the stomach.

Samus, who had been quiet this whole time, fumbled with the buttons on the elevator. She finally pressed one called "INTERCOM".

"Hello?" a voice said.

"Shh!" Roy warned. "Let me handle this!"

"Hello? We've been trying to reach you for a while…"

"Hello!" Marth replied. "There are…um…wait…" He began to count people, but stopped on three, frowning as if he were thinking deeply.

"Out of the way, fop!" Roy shoved Marth away from the speaker. "I want a Number 4 with no mayo, medium fries, and a large Dr. Pepper!'

"Ugh, you kids, always screwing with the buttons!" the voice groaned before hanging up.

"What did he want?" Samus asked.

"Who knows," Pit shrugged.

**There you go! Enjoy!**


	2. Trapped with Idiots

**I'm back…with nothing to say! So yeah!**

Trapped with Idiots

Everybody was sitting in the elevator, occupied with his or her own business. Suddenly, another ominous bump was heard.

"I heard another ominous bump!" Marth screamed.

Bump.

"I heard it again!"

Bump.

"I—"

Roy smacked Marth on the head with the side of his sword. Suddenly, a portion of the elevator ceiling fell out and thousands of hands reached down into the elevator.

"ROY! WE'LL SAVE YOU!"

"Fan girls!" Roy cried, and ran to the other side.

"Back, back!" Marth cried, poking his sword, but found it useless. He grabbed Link. "Fine! Take this sacrifice!"

The fan girls stopped. Then, "LINK!"

"Ah!" Link cried, and ran to join Roy.

"How come I don't have any fan gi—"

"MARTH!"

The fan girls grabbed the poor Marth and began to take him away.

"No!" The others cried, though not knowing why, because they had no use for the fop. I guess they all care about him deep down. Aww…

There was a game of tug-o-war, but the team in the elevator succeeded because…um…I made it so! Yeah! Otherwise there would be no story!

"Aww," Marth said when he was safe. "You guys didn't have to."

"You're right, we didn't," Roy agreed, and he threw Marth back to the fan girls. They squealed and all dove for him.

"Should we save him again? After all, he may be of some use. He was the one who had the cell phone," Samus asked.

"Oh, okay!" Roy suddenly agreed with Samus. He dragged Marth out of the flood of fan girls, who began crying.

"You saved me again? Why?" Marth asked, bewildered.

"Thank Samus, okay?" Roy muttered.

"Oh Samus!" Marth ran to her and bowed.

"Um," the bounty hunter replied.

The Authoress appeared. "How are we all today?"

"Horrible!" Pit shouted. "Please, take us away!"

"No, I don't feel like it," she replied.

Pit cried. Zelda cried. Link cried. Roy cried. Samus cried. Marth giggled.

"Huh?" said the others.

"I found cheese," he smiled, pulling out a wheel of cheese.

No one did anything.

"I'm going to make things interesting," the Authoress declared, and knocked Pit on the head. He fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Pit!" everyone cried, running to the angel.

"Huh?" he got up. "Deneppah tahw?"

"Uh oh," Roy spoke.

"On ho!" Pit whimpered. "Sdrawkcab gniklat Mi kniht I!"

"Yeah, he is," Link sighed.

"Now what do we do?" Zelda said.

"I don't know," the Authoress shrugged. She picked up a magazine and flipped through it. "I love Tom Felton. Too bad he's the bad guy."

"From Harry Potter?" Roy asked. "You know that J. K. Rowling said that two people were going to die in the book?"

"Yep. I hope one is Hermione. She's almost like a model…perfect, and pretty, and annoying…"

"Like Marth?"

"Yeah…"

Marth skipped to the two. "You called?…Crap, I fell for that."

"We were comparing you to a model," Roy spoke.

Marth's eyes went sparkly and his voice squeaky. "You think I could be a model?

"Uh…that wasn't a compli—" Roy was cut off as the song "Sexy Back" stats up with Marth tossing his hair majestically. He hugged himself and skipped over to Zelda and Link.

"I have a dream," he started. "To pursue the career of modeling! Where should I start?"

"In the asylum," Roy muttered.

"Good!" Marth grinned. He looked about him. "But we can't get out of here."

"Exactly," Roy spoke.

Marth began to cry again. Everyone was silent.

"I feel the need to hit you," Roy said finally. He did.

"Hey!" Marth snapped. "Watch what you're doing! I have a black belt in Sissy Slapping!"

"So you don't need your sword?"

"Of course not!" Marth threw it aside. "Wait…crap!"

Roy sliced at Marth, who screamed and ran to the hole where the fan girls had been.

"Fan girls! Come back! Save me!"

A letter floated down, apparently from the Authoress.

"THE FAN GIRLS ARE GONE," Marth read, "I MADE THEM DISAPPEAR SO THAT ROY MAY KILL YOU."

"Marth," said Zelda, "just because it's written all in capitals doesn't mean you have to talk in a dark and evil voice."

"Oh," Marth said absently. He tossed it away. "Well, Authoress, come save me!"

Another piece of paper drifted down from the hole. Marth picked it up. "NO," he read aloud.

It took him a moment to process the thought before he screamed and started running around, Roy chasing him with his sword held high. Marth finally reached his sword and met Roy's blade as it came down. "Ha!"

"That's Link's sword!" Roy cried.

"Huh?" Marth looked at it.

"Ha!" Roy threw Marth to the side of the elevator.

"That was mean!" Marth whined, rubbing his head.

"The world is mean," Roy countered.

"Is that why we're stuck in this elevator?" Marth asked, eyes wide.

Roy shrugged.

**I always end the chapter with someone shrugging. Laughing out loud. Review?**


	3. No Escape!

**Whee! Updating! Woot!**

No Escape!

The elevator became quiet as the Smashers tried to occupy themselves with something to do. Zelda and Samus did some limp macarena, Link played his ocarina like he was a jailer playing the harmonica, Marth was brushing his hair, and Roy was banging his head on the wall.

"Llaw eht no daeh ruoy gnignab uoy era yhw?" queried Pit.

"Be—" Bang. "—cause." Bang.

"Sllec niarb now ruoy gnillik er'uoy," reminded Pit.

"I." Bang. "Know." Bang. "That." Bang.

"Yor, pots esaelp!" Pit begged.

"Why." Bang. "Do." Bang. "You." Bang. "Care?" Bang.

Marth finished brushing his hair and stood up. "Roy, listen to Pit's words."

"I can't! He's talking backwards!"

"You understood him before."

"Meh."

"I'm sure a song shall cheer us all up," Marth declared. At this, Zelda and Samus stopped their dance and stared in shock, Link dropped his ocarina, and Pit…uh…just stood there.

"Ahem." Marth cleared his throat. "I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts…di-dl-ee-dee…here they are, standing in a row…tow, three, four…big ones, small ones, some as big as your head, give it a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said! Tch!" he imitated a crash cymbal.

No one moved.

"Okay…maybe I should sing it again…"

"NO!" everyone cried in unison.

"Okay. Hey, you know, Roy, if I'm being annoying, I'll stop."

"Really?" Roy asked.

"JUST KIDDING!" Marth laughed and pointed at Roy. He then took a deep breath, about to break into song when Roy smacked him on the head with his sword and he fell to the elevator floor. Roy rolled his eyes and looked around for an escape.

"What if," he thought aloud, "we escaped through the hole the fan girls made?"

"Good idea!" Samus stood up.

Roy jumped up and artfully twisted so he was on top of the elevator. (I bet it looked sexy.)

"Okay, I'm up here and—AHHH!" he came falling back into the elevator.

The Authoress appeared. "You cannot escape! There is no way out! I shall make the hole disappear, and you shall be victims of my story!" She disappeared. They stared at the spot where she had just stood.

No one spoke. Then...

"NOOO!" Marth screamed. "I had a hair appointment I was going to!"

"You're hair looks fine," Zelda frowned.

"I know," Marth flicked it, and winked at Zelda. She just stared. "Damn, my seduction isn't working…"

"Maybe it's because you're a freakin' metrosexual fop!" Roy shouted.

"I never actually considered that…" Marth put his hand to his chin. He then took off his tiara and proceeded to clean it.

"Clean mine while you're at it," Zelda handed him hers. Marth pulled away.

"No! Clean your own!"

"Fine."

Suddenly, the elevator dropped (think Tower of Terror…that ride is awesome!) and everybody screamed. Except for Marth, who was cleaning his tiara. See, he only focuses on one thing. It stopped suddenly, causing everyone to bang into each other.

"Ow! My head!" Roy rubbed his head.

"Ow! My leg!" Samus rubbed her leg.

"Ow! My arm!" Zelda rubbed her arm.

"Wo! Gniw ym!" Pit rubbed his wing.

"Ow! My back!" Link rubbed his back.

"Ow! My foot!" Marth rubbed his hand.

"Doesn't your foot hurt?" asked Samus.

"Yes."

"Then why are you rubbing your hand?"

Marth stopped to ponder the thought. "Is that a trick question?"

"No."

"Oh."

Silence.

"Is it a rhetorical question?"

"NO, MARTH! IT IS A PLAIN OLD QUESTION!" Samus exploded, causing everyone but Marth to cring in fear. "WHY ARE YOU RUBBING YOUR HAND WHEN YOU SAY YOUR FOOT HURTS?"

"It _is _a rhetorical question!" Marth said with glee.

Samus punched him in the head. He was knocked out immediately.

"Naem saw taht," Pit mused. "Looc."

"Anyway, why'd we fall? We didn't die!" Roy cried. "What happened?"

Suddenly, with sudden suddenness, the elevator suddenly opened! Suddenly! Yes. The Smashers looked out to see…darkness! Because the Authoress can't think of what to make them see at the moment…

…

…

…

…

Now she has!

So, the Smashers looked out of the elevator to see…darkness!

"Darkness!" cried Link. "Let's investigate!"

"Do we have to?" Roy groaned.

"Well, to give the story a plot, then, yes," Link replied.

"Touche," Roy said, and they were about to venture forward when Marth said something incoherent as he was just getting up.

"What?" asked Samus.

"I don't like the dark," Marth said, curling up in a ball in the corner of the elevator.

"What are we going to do now, then?" Roy spoke. "The elevator won't work and the idiots can't reach us to save us, so you expect us to just sit here?"

Marth was quiet for a second. "Yes."

"Okay. We're all going to venture forth. You can stay here," Roy grinned, and the Smashers continued to walk.

"Wait!" Marth squealed, going after them. Roy groaned as they walked through the darkness. Every now and then Marth let out a cry of fear.

"Ow! You stepped on my foot!" Zelda cried.

"Yrros," Pit apologized.

"We need light!" Roy cried.

"Well, you're the half-dragon, so you can make light," Samus spoke.

"Oh yeah. Um, how?"

"Beats me."

"Hmm…" Roy concentrated and soon he had a fire glowing in his hands. "Dude. That is sexy!"

"You didn't know you could do that?" Zelda asked.

"No. Hey...I thought you could do it, too."

"Oh yes." Zelda made a little fire. Soon the place was aglow.

"Where are we?" Marth asked, holding his cape and fidgeting with it.

"Some hall," Roy deducted.

"But _where_?" Marth whined.

"Who knows," Samus answered.

"Elttil os kaeps I," Pit muttered. "Riaf ton s'ti."

Nobody understood him so they ignored him. (Awww….poor Pit…)

"We must find out where we are!" Roy cried gallantly.

"Yes!" the others cried in agreement, except for Marth.

"I still have my cheese!" he exclaimed, pulling it out. "My cheese…"


	4. That Voice Which Calls to Me

**If you read my profile, I took the risk and wrote this. I HAD TO! I CANNOT KEEP MY BELOVED FANS WAITING! –cough- Anywho, I don't have much to say, so you can all just read this lovely chapter.**

That Voice Which Calls to Me

The group kept walking for a while, long enough to discover the hall was made of stone and it was dank and smelly.

"I think we're in some abandoned castle…" Roy whispered as they passed a sconce that was welded into the shape of a human arm. He shuddered slightly.

Suddenly, a soft voice came from the end of the hall. All the Smashers turned in the direction of the voice.

"Someone is singing…" Samus said quietly.

"How come they get to sing and I don't?" Marth pouted.

The Smashers ignored the cobalt-clad man (HAHAHA...I mean...um.) as they wandered closer to the voice. Soon, words were distinguishable.

_"He's there...the Phantom of the Opera..."_

"What the hell?" Link whispered. They were all about to take another step when he grabbed Zelda with a sudden cry of, "Watch out!" He pulled her close as they looked at the lake that stood before them, barely illuminated in the with their source of light.

"A lake?" Roy scoffed. "What is a lake doing down here?"

"Hey, I didn't do it," the Authoress appeared. "Ask Monsieur Leroux, if you will."

"Ohw?" Pit said, confused.

Suddenly, a boat came around the corner. It was a small little gondola with a little lantern. A man with a strange mask over the right side of his face was pushing it, and seemed to be screaming at the top of his lungs, "Sing, my Angel of Music!" The other person, a young pretty girl, was sitting at his feet and vocalizing some random junk.

"What's going on here?" Samus whispered to Zelda. The Princess shook her head and shrugged.

"Sing, my An—" the man stopped screaming the phrase, as well as pushing the boat, and stared at the group. "Christine, my dear, they have come for me!"

"What? What's going on?" Roy said, beginning to panic.

The man took out a rope and tossed it around Marth's neck.

"Ah!" Marth screamed and cut himself free with Falchion.

"They have figured out how to escape my Punjab Lasso!" the man cried in horror.

"Who are you?" Samus called to the man.

"Who am I?" the man suddenly said in a dark tone. "I am the Angel of Music!"

The Smashers exchanged confused glances.

"No really, who are you?" Roy asked.

"Christine, darling, can you plug your ears? Otherwise, you will find out I am not the Angel of Music your father sent, but Erik, the Phantom of the Opera, a murdering musical genius," the man called "Erik" said.

"Okay," Christine replied obediently and put her hands to her ears. "Wait…you're not…AHHHHH!"

"Look what you've done!" Erik pointed an accusing finger at Roy. "You have turned my angel against me!"

"I thought you were the angel," Link rubbed his head.

"I am!"

"What about her...?" Link said, cocking his head in confusion.

"We're both angels!" Erik screamed, balling his fists.

"That's amusing," Roy scoffed.

"Save me! Someone save me!" Christine was shrieking. "Raoul, you crazy fop, I'll take you any day!" (Sorry E/C fans)

A man with curiously long hair leapt out of the shadows and pranced over to the edge of the lake.

"Oh, pumpkin, I thought something was wrong so I broke down the locked door to your dressing room and found the mirror slightly open, so I came down here to rescue you!" the man called "Raoul" said to the girl.

"Save me! Get me away from the Phantom!" Christine screamed.

"I'd do anything to save you!" Raoul cried. "But…"

"What?" Christine shrieked.

"I can't swim!"

The Smashers all watched this with utter confusion. Link tried to explain things.

"I think Erik, who terrorizes this said 'opera,' probably above us, has fallen in love with the girl, Christine, and made up a lie about being some Angel of Music to make her come down here with him so he could rape her," Link had his index finger wrapped around his chin. "And Raoul, is apparently, her other lover, or something. I don't know!"

"Raoul strangely reminds me of someone…" Roy glanced at Marth.

"How does he get his hair so wavy?" Marth wailed.

"You can't rescue me?" Christine wept as the attention went back to them.

"Of course I can! I'll make a leap of faith, hoping to land in the boat and knock the Phantom over!" Raoul cried, and jumped from the ledge. He landed next to Erik.

"Stupendous leap," Erik said, deadpanned.

"Thank you! I practice every day, you know! Never know when some sexy girl might be in distress!" Raoul slicked his hair back and took Christine's hand. "I feel like I'm forgetting something…oh yes!" Raoul shoved Erik into the water. "I have saved you, Christine!"

"Oh Raoul!"

"Oh Christine!"

"Oh Raoul!"

"Oh Christine!"

"Oh, don't worry about us, we totally understand what's happening!" Roy shouted.

The two lovebirds turned to the Smashers.

"Hello," Raoul said innocently. "Who are you?"

"Uh…" Roy didn't speak as he saw Erik's head rise out of the water. "Whose side do we take?" Roy whispered to the others. "A dark murderer, or a gay fop?"

"Let's just watch," Samus suggested.

Raoul began to push the boat away with Christine.

"_Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime…"_ Christine began to sing.

"Sugar, that's for the very end of the musical," Raoul informed.

"But Erik is dead and gone now, and we can get it on!" Christine said in her shrilly voice.

"Oh yeah! Okay then!" Raoul cried enthusiastically and pushed the boat faster. Soon they were gone. Erik climbed out of the water.

"You ruined me!" Erik wailed.

"Well, excuse me!" Marth crossed his arms and stuck his nose in the air. "But it didn't look like you had very good intentions with that girl!"

"I am a musical genius! I don't rape little girls because I feel like it!" Erik shouted at the cobalt. "Hmm…" he paused. "You remind me of someone…" he glanced back quickly at where Raoul and Christine had just disappeared around the corner.

"What's with the mask?" Roy pointed to the white porcelain garment on the Phantom's face.

"This…oh…it's nothing…" Erik turned away quickly.

"Well, logically speaking," Zelda began (gotta love that Triforce of Wisdom!), "It covers only half your face. If you wanted your identity unknown--as you terrorize the opera above us, murder innocent people, and rape girls—" Erik glared at her at the last statement, but Zelda continued, "—you would be wearing a mask that covers your whole face. One can only assume that you have a disfiguration of some sort."

"I…do not…!" Erik said brokenly.

Samus quickly pulled off the mask, resulting in a bloodcurdling scream from Erik.

"Whoa!" Roy shouted. He stared a minute. "Actually, you don't look that bad."

"You lie!" Erik shrieked.

"Thgir etiuq s'eh, on," Pit spoke.

"What the hell?" Erik stopped screaming in agony at Pit's mutilated words.

"Blame the Authoress," Zelda informed.

"What the hell?" Erik repeated.

"Never mind," Link spoke. "But the thing is, you don't look so bad."

"What are you talking about? _I'm hounded out by everyone, met with hatred anywhere, no kind words from anyone, no compassion anywhere…Christine! Why? WHY?_"

Roy was the first to move after the random break into song. "Uh…I assume society has rejected you?"

"Like hell it has!" Erik snapped.

"Just askin'," Roy backed away slowly.

"I think we should all go back to the elevator…" Samus announced. "Now would be good, too."

"An elevator? What's an elevator?" Erik asked.

"You're not coming!" Roy shrieked automatically.

"Huh?" Erik said sincerely. "You-you mean you're going to leave me here...all alone? Wallowing in my misery? Crying over my broken heart? Reflecting over my abhorrent past?"

"He has a good choice of words," Link mused.

"Good bye, Mr. Phantom!" Roy cried, and began to lead the group back to the elevator.

"That was interesting," Marth looked at the receding figure as it knelt down and began screaming, "DAMN THE WORLD!"

The group soon arrived at the broken elevator. Inside the Authoress was sitting in a cozy armchair by a fireplace, reading _Pride and Prejudice_ with a cup of herbal tea.

"How the hell is there a fireplace in here?" Roy snapped, causing the Authoress to look up, shut the book and get out of the chair.

"Oh, I was waiting for you guys to come back. I fixed the elevator."

"By putting a fireplace in it?" Samus said uneasily.

"Oh no, that's just special effects," she smiled. Suddenly everything was gone. "Anyway, you guys can get back in and go on your way. No more weird trips."

"Thank you!" Roy jumped in. The others followed.

The Authoress stepped out.

"Wait, you're going to stay here, in this underground castle?" Zelda asked.

"I'm the Authoress. Anything I want happens," the Authoress smiled. The doors closed.

"Funny how she stopped smiling right before the door closed," Marth observed, and began to brush his hair again.

"Anyone notice how ominous she sounded when she said, 'Anything I want happens.'?" Link gulped.

**Hooray! 'Tis done! I don't have much to say. Uh…review!**


	5. V for Whatever I Feel Like

**Whoo hoo! This is proof that I am, in fact, living! I know I haven't updated. Right now it's summer. So yes. I can waste my time updating. You heard me right!**

**So there's some language in here not suitable for little children…but it's based on a real experience. Trust me. In fact, all the randomness in my stories is based on real experiences...I need to hang out with different people…**

V for Whatever I Feel Like

"Mammoth babies!" Marth cried.

Everyone turned to stare at him.

"FTW…" spoke Pit.

"Hey, Pit said 'FTW!" Link cried. "Maybe he stopped talking backwards!"

"I think Pit meant, 'WTF,' as in 'What The Fuck?'" Zelda said softly.

"I thought he was saying 'FTW…'" Link looked at the floor.

"Why would Pit be saying 'For the Win?'" Roy inquired. "He doesn't encourage…uh…mammoth babies."

"Wait, 'FTW' means 'For The Win?'" Link paused. "Not 'Fuck the Whore?' OW! Why'd you slap me, Zelda?"

Zelda sighed and shook her head. Link rubbed his cheek as Roy turned to watch the numbers light up as they moved on to their destination.

"Hey…how come we stopped at 5?" Samus asked. "No one's stopping on 5, right?"

The doors opened. No one moved.

"Get out there!" the Authoress suddenly appeared and used her magical strength to shove each Smasher out of the elevator.

"Wait!" Roy jumped up, but the elevator doors closed. "Where are we…?"

"It's 11:00…" Samus mused as a clock tower went off. "It's really quiet here…"

The sounds of a girl screaming made all the Smashers turn in the same direction.

"It's the generic damsel in distress scream!" Marth jumped to his feet. "I'd recognize it anywhere!" He didn't move.

"Well, aren't we going to go save her?" Roy asked, taking a small step forward.

"No. I told you, I recognize the scream, but maybe it's a really happy person," Marth shrugged.

"Screw you," Samus ran off, pulling her whip out.

They all followed, and when they turned the corner, they were amazed to see a woman on the ground, struggling to get up, and a masked man in the middle of some insane speech.

"…However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition…who are all of you?"

The Smashers couldn't help but stare. The man was dressed all in black, with long shoulder-length hair and a mask with a creepy grin on it. The girl stood up and scrambled over to the other side of the alley so she was behind the masked man and looked at the Smashers.

"It's you!" Zelda cried with joy.

"I bed your pardon?" the masked man asked.

"It's V!" Zelda squealed.

"What?" Link turned to Zelda.

The Hylian Princess ran up V. "You're the person who saves England! You promote anarchy! You're a hero! I love you!"

"HEY!" Link said, eyes getting all watery. "I…saved…Hyrule…" he added quietly, looking at his feet.

"But you're nowhere near as articulate as V," Zelda smirked.

"Who are you?" V asked, taking a step back. Anyone was sure that if he hadn't been wearing a mask, he would've had an eyebrow raised.

"Eek!" Zelda cried. "He asked who I was! Now if I can remember that one line…Oh! Who? Who is but the form following the function of what and what I am is a princess!'"

"He just said that to me…except he said 'I am a man in a mask,'" the girl spoke.

"And you're Evey!" Zelda shrieked, running to the girl and shaking her hand vigorously.

"How do you know all this?" Samus scratched her head.

"Ugh," Zelda rolled her eyes. "'Remember, remember, the Fifth of November, the Gunpowder Treason and Plot. I know of no reason why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot...'"

"Oh, I remember!" Roy shouted. "I thought you were on drugs that one week."

"Niaga revo dna revo eivom eno taht gnihctaw tpek ehs nehw?" Pit mused.

Zelda glared at Roy. "It was one of the best films I'd ever seen! And now we're in it!"

"I'm sorry," Evey said, pulling her hand free of Zelda's, who had still been shaking it subconsciously. "But…er…I really must be going…"

"Wait!" V and Zelda cried at the same time.

"He has to take you to blow up the old Bailey!" Zelda spoke.

"I wanted to take you to a concert!" V growled as he turned to Zelda.

"That's what you _tell_ her," Zelda crossed her arms. "But you're really going to blow up the old Bailey…"

Evey's eyes doubled in size.

"You're ruining everything," V told Zelda, trying to remain calm.

"I know, but it's inevitable anyway, right?" Zelda flashed a smile at V.

V grabbed Evey's arm, who screamed. "Thanks for ruining everything!" And he pulled her away.

The Smashers didn't bother following.

"Zelda!" the Princess turned to see a very irritated Authoress. "You ruined one of my favorite movies of all time!" she flipped her hair back, sighing in frustration. "It was a mistake to bring you all here. I thought you'd all want to help V and start some anarchy and crap, but it didn't work out so great. I'll fix it all and send you back. Yeesh. This sucked."

"I'm sorry, I was just so excited!" Zelda cried happily.

"Blah blah blah," the Authoress rolled her eyes. "Try to restrain it or I'll do that myself with my fist!"

"You wouldn't punch her!" Marth cried.

"Fine, I'll punch you!"

"Eep!" Marth hid behind Pit.

"Ugh, why do you have to be so cute, Pit?" the Authoress groaned.

"Wonk t'nod I," Pit spoke, shrugging.

"Hmm…you still the only one who speaks backwards..." the Authoress tapped her chin. Smiling, she turned to Samus and whacked her across the head.

"Hey!" Roy cried.

"Nani o shiteruno?" Samus snarled. "Eh? Waa! Nihongo o hanashiteimasu!"

"There we go," the Authoress grinned.

"She's speaking in Japanese!" Marth cried. "Oh no!"

"Why is it such a problem? It's your native language before all of you were dubbed into English," the Authoress looked at her nails.

"What? Nooooo!" Roy cried.

"Roysan!" Samus grabbed his collar, shaking him.

"Nuf eb ot gniong si siht…" Pit sighed.

"Indeed," the Authoress grinned. "Okay, get to the elevator everyone, before I send pretty pink unicorns after you!"

"Aah! Haiyaku!" Everyone knew Samus's fear for pink and unicorns. "Ikimashou!"

**Yeah sorry my Japanese is a little off. I got out of school, so I sort of stopped studying it. La la la…**


	6. Pride and Stuff

**Oh look, it's been another year-ish since I updated. **

**Why do I keep doing that?**

**Oh nom nom nom.**

Pride and Stuff

"Oh crapbags, where are we now?" Link ventured nervously.

"Shiranai," Samus said sadly.

The bunch was clearly in the country; a quick scan revealed rolling hills with a tree here and there. A manor of enormous size stood before them. Lively music was pouring out the windows as voices echoed out into the twilight.

"A dance!" Zelda exclaimed, heading towards the elaborate front doors.

"A _dance_!" Marth repeated, following after her with a skip in his step.

"A dance?!" Roy moaned.

Link cocked his head. "I've never been that great at dancing…"

"Odorou!" Samus excitedly grabbed Pit's hand and scrambled after prince and princess.

The young Hylian shrugged and ran after. Roy was left standing in the driveway, speechless.

"Wait!" he finally gathered. "We…we don't know what's in there! We have no idea where the Authoress may have put us next! Guys! Guuuuys!" Then Roy became sadface as he stood alone. After an obnoxious "Hmph!" he stomped after the group.

Zelda was inside first, looking about excitedly. How funny everyone dressed! The style was almost similar to hers, but the men were in suits and the women in light summer dresses.

"I can't help thinking that at some point someone is going to produce a piglet and we'll all have to chase it," a graceful redhead was muttering to her dance partner.

"No way!" Marth had caught up to Zelda. "I know where we are! Oh! Oh I could kiss the Authoress."

"Yhw?" Pit came up, ignoring the strange stares he was receiving.

"It's…a costume!" Marth cried loudly, taking hold of the situation. The surrounding people murmured and nodded and resumed their business. But attention was once again brought upon the group as Samus caught up.

Hm. The Authoress decided it a good moment to make Samus speak English again.

"What? Oh! Hey, I— "

"Good heavens, girl," the redhead stopped her dancing and crossed her arms curiously. "What on earth are you doing showing up here in _that_?" She turned once again to her partner. "Country dances…they get more and more uncivilized by the year!"

"This is what I always wear," Samus fumed.

"And where do you come from? The local brothel?"

"Oh no," Zelda whispered to Marth. "I believe that lady is going to flip the bitch switch on—"

"You just flipped the bitch switch," Samus growled and pulled out her whip…gun…thing.

The crowd in the room cried in surprise and everyone took numerous steps back, as if being against the walls would somehow defend them from a weapon they had never seen before. The redhead's eyes grew at the sight of it. Before Samus could create some major ass-whooping, a brunette rushed in.

"What is going on here?!" she cried. She eyed each of our unfortunate elevator clan up and down and raised her brow quizzically, but turned to the redhead, expecting an answer.

"These strange folk barge into this _wonderful_ dance in which I took the pleasure of enjoying Darcy's company, and start creating havoc!"

"Forgive me, but it has escaped my attention that anything may be wrong," the brunette glanced about the room. "Everything appears to be in order, does it not?"

"In order?" the redhead stormed. "How can anything be in order with these brutes parading dangerous weapons about…and in ridiculous attire!"

"Is no one hurt?" the brunette ignored her and glanced about the room. She gave a nervous smile to Samus, who reluctantly put her weapon away. "Now," the brunette approached Samus, "I'm Elizabeth. What brings you here to Netherfield Hall?"

"The Authoress!" Marth jumped in front of Samus. He dismissed the looks shot in his direction. "She sent us here in an elevator, because if we hadn't gotten on, she would have sent us somewhere else…somewhere pink."

"It'd suit you," Roy muttered.

"Oh," Elizabeth nodded as if she understood. _What on earth?!_

"Yes," Marth grinned. "Oh, Miss Elizabeth Bennett, I'm so pleased to meet you." He grabbed her hand and shook it violently.

After her head stopped moving like a bobble doll, Elizabeth recomposed herself. "I'm sorry, but have we met?"

"Yes! Well, er, no. You see, I read about you."

"Me! Why….wherever could you have read about me?"

"In this wonderful novel by Jane Austen, and—"

"Wait. Forgive me. But, someone is writing about me? I've never heard that name in my life!" Elizabeth slowly took a step back.

"You end up with him!" Marth pointed at the redhead's dancing partner, Darcy. Elizabeth wrinkled her nose as Darcy turned a bright red. Marth's enthusiastic smile faded. "But…it's alright. You guys end up loving each other. Darcy professes his love by the lake after the church service."

"Marth…" Link whispered. "You're starting to creep everybody out."

"Forgive me, but…I think I'm going to have to ask you to leave, sir," Elizabeth stammered, casting a sideways glance at Darcy.

"But…! This isn't even your ball to kick me out of!" Marth cried.

"Oh, you hold a very good point. Is Mr. Bingley around?"

"Mr. Bingley!" Marth jumped like a little child. "I love him! The goofy bastard, that boy!"

The elevator clan did a simultaneous face-palm.

"What did you call my brother?" the redhead stepped towards Marth furiously.

"Oh, Caroline! I'm sorry. It's just…well I love how Austen portrayed him. He loves Jane, you know!"

"Oh!" a voice somewhere in the corner cried.

"Marth, shut the fuck up!" Roy hissed. He prayed the Authoress would come bail them out of this horrible situation, and she did.

"Alright, you guys ruined everything," she stepped out from behind Elizabeth.

"I don't know if I can take much more," Caroline sighed and began fanning herself. She walked out to the balcony.

"I was going to make you guys dance and have a good time, but Super-Tight Jumpsuit and Twinkle Toes mess it all up! Ugh." She stormed up to Marth. "Do you forget that these people have completely no idea who you are and what's going on?"

"Yes," Marth said confidently, then paused. "Wait, er…"

The Authoress snapped her fingers and soon the room was bustling again. The music started up as the guests began a dance. Not one turned to look at the strange arrivals. In fact, Zelda was dancing with a young man already.

Link blinked (Haha! That kinda rhymed. Haha…ha…leave me alone.). "Huh?"

"To the people here, nothing has changed. Now they see you as normal guests at a ball," the Authoress sighed. "Now please have a good time. Don't ruin anything." She glanced at Samus. "And don't kill anything."

"This is boring!" Samus was crying a couple hours later. Being from a more futuristic time than the others, she had nothing to do. She was uneducated in the ways of dance, had no internet to Tweet or Facebook status her misery, and the Authoress had jacked her weapon.

"Can I talk to you?" Elizabeth sat down by Samus so suddenly the latter jumped with a squeal. "Forgive me, I didn't mean to startle you. It's just that Charlotte and Jane are off dancing, and every other girl is a giggling drunk fool. Except Mary…she is playing the pianoforte, and—"

"What?" Samus snapped.

Elizabeth blinked. Then, "Well, I just danced with this Darcy fellow. You know him, right? Tall, dark, miserable. I think…oh!" Samus tried not to recoil when Elizabeth captured both her hands in her own. "I do not attempt to deny that I think very highly of him…that I…greatly esteem him…that I like him."

"Oh! Sense and Sensibility!" Marth screamed across the room. "You guys get it? Get it? Come on here!"

"So go tell him," Samus said simply. "A little confession, make out session, wham bam, thank you ma'am."

"I beg your pardon?" Elizabeth spoke. "What on earth do you speak of?"

"Oh," Samus caught herself. "I mean…confession never hurts, right?"

"But a lady never attempts to do anything of the sort…" Elizabeth cast her eyes about.

"Well, you're no lady. I mean, you're one tough bitch. Coming up to me with my gun in my hand, having never seen the likes of me before, and—" Samus caught herself again as Elizabeth wrinkled her eyebrows. "Sorry. What I mean to say is, you've got the spunk in you to do it. If he doesn't return your feelings, so what?"

"Well, I may very much die at the thought of rejection!" Elizabeth claimed, pondering deeply about what "spunk" could mean.

"Hey, you know how great things happen? By taking risks. So make this great thing happen," Samus snapped.

"I—"

"There he is! Go, tell him. Now!"

"I—"

Samus pulled Elizabeth up and pushed her in the direction of Darcy.

"Samus…"

The blonde turned to see the Authoress sitting where Elizabeth once was.

"What do you want?"

"I told you not to ruin anything."

"I didn't!"

"Have you ever read a book, honey?" the Authoress stood up. She clapped twice and a novel appeared in her hands. "Read this. I'll give you plenty of time." She glanced about her. "Okay!" She cried. The elevator group all turned to look, but the guests kept on dancing. "They can't see you and they've no recollection you ever appeared," explained the Authoress. "I think it's about time we get going. So much for this idea, hm? Back outside, come on! The elevator awaits!"

As they assembled within the elevator, the Authoress came in with them.

"I've no idea where to send you next," she muttered.

"I had next to no part in this chapter!" Link wailed.

"Oot em!" Pit cried.

"Oh, that's annoying," the Authoress pat Pit (Pat pit…pit pat…awhehe…okay.) on the head.

"Hey!" Pit exclaimed. "No more backwards talk!"

"Yeah, I got sick of thinking about it," the Authoress sighed.

"Where to?" Zelda said, accepting her fate. "I hope we're all done with this soon; I was going up to the seventeenth floor to rent some land to let my Mudkips run loose."

"Rent…hmmm…" the Authoress smiled. "That's it. Alright, get going."

She disappeared as the elevator began to move.


End file.
